Sophie Loren once said “When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child” and that is most certainly true of a lady whose story I am about to relate.
Marcia (not her real name ) is in her thirties and finds herself in the unenviable position of being all things to many people. Together with her husband, who is unwell at times, she struggles to rear her five children now in primary and secondary education while providing full-time care to her Mum who suffers with dementia and who has regressed to her own childhood. Marcia doesn’t complain, instead she wants to convey the responsibility that accrues on becoming a parent.
Balancing the housekeeping monies became impossible some years ago when her husband was unable to work and short term loan facilities ceased due to restrictive measures in banking.
Amid feelings of shame and inadequacy, Marcia in desperation approached the Society of St. Vincent de Paul (SVP ) for help to provide food for her family for that week. With eight of them living in the house and having diligently paid utility bills there simply was nothing left-over.
The non-judgemental ethos of SVP was practiced, her case was heard, assessed and food-vouchers of €60 were provided. Extremely grateful she vowed to repay them as soon as she could, a promise she has fulfilled many times over.
She wasn’t aware of the follow-up procedure and was surprised and overwhelmed to find one week later, two SVP volunteers on her doorstep. Immediately she burst into tears, she says as she had not confided her true plight to anyone, not even her husband.
She sought to protect the other seven members of the household — on occasions when food was short, she dished out small portions of dinner while informing those sat around the table that she had eaten earlier in an effort to make sure they didn’t experience the strain.
The real difficulty surrounded the insecurity of funds on occasions when her husband was unable to work. Coupled with new regulations where tax is now payable on the meagre earnings of carer’s allowance largely undervaluing that 24/7 commitment; the impact of which demands a constant juggling act to stay afloat.
As she relates her complex budgeting strategy, I wonder if she has been tutored by MABS – “No” she replies, she developed it as a coping mechanism. By providing a little money to utility bills on a weekly basis she is not overwhelmed by a big bill when she least expects it and even through the summer months she continues to contribute to the Oil Company as home heating is absolutely necessary. Her Mum is confined to their home each day and now those heating bills amount to €50.00 per week alone.
When I ask Marcia to explain what is important to her, without hesitation she exclaims ‘education’ for her children; a common aspiration of many in her position who did not take that route themselves.
The education she speaks of is the opportunity of a 3rd level Degree to ensure enhanced life chances for her children who will not have to endure life as she does; explained as ‘the worry, staying awake at night, the wondering how you will get through the week’ which occurred on many occasions.
As I leave Marcia, I tell her that she is an inspiration and a joy to learn from; she dismisses it. There are not many like her who, unselfishly give of themselves constantly, extending to providing voluntary work in an effort to repay past kindnesses. It is testimony to her true spirit that she can deliver quality care; and, in true Irish fashion, passing the compliment she explains it is the ‘children’ who are her inspiration. As a proud Mum, she recalls their story, their achievements, different personalities and aspirations.
Motherhood is certainly a blessing in Marcia’s eyes and I feel sure those she cares for so diligently, placing their welfare above her own, are the ones who are truly blessed. For when you are a mother as Sophie Loren says, you think once for self and once for the child – Marcia does that six times over for five children and her new child, her Mum.
Inspirational is just one word to describe her but it doesn’t capture the half of it.
