With tough recessionary times upon us and P45s flying in every direction, Galway First are delighted to bring you our top 10 tips for weathering the storm and coming out the other side unscathed. Mostly!
1. Buy yourself a widescreen TV. You can't be expected to shell out the bones of €10 every time the next big screen blockbuster or tearjerker rolls into your local cinema. Get yourself a decent telly, surround sound speakers, and a bag of popcorn. And squint a bit. For an added bonus you don't even have to put on pants!
2. Take up a hobby. You don't need to spend a fortune on CDs if you can play the piano or guitar. Who needs expensive jumpers when you're a dab hand at knitting. And if you have access to a small forest, a pulper and the means to make your own toilet paper... all the better.
3. Buy one newspaper. Save yourself a few quid on newspapers for the duration of the recession by buying one paper now and simply rereading it on a daily basis. Odds are we're all going to be in freefall for quite a while so no point paying to read the same thing every day. And if an upswing does ever happen it'll be a pleasant surprise. Or better yet, stick to free newspapers.
4. Have a kid. Junior's childlike wonder at the world around him/her will keep you enraptured for years. And by the time we pull ourselves out of our current quagmire of debt he’ll be old enough to move out and get a job.
5. Emigrate. Nothing screams "recession" like getting the coffin ship to Amer-i-kay. But considering that the Yanks are currently as screwed as we are you might be better off taking Singapore Airlines to Australia. I hear they have excellent legroom. Singapore Airlines I mean. Not Australia.
6. Drink. Finally. An excuse to stand outside the pub waiting for it to open.
7. Get a girlfriend. Standards are dropping all over. Maybe now the girls will be more willing to overlook your second hand clothes and poor dental hygiene. Recession-chic they'll call it.
8. Get fit. Because the other option is letting the health service get its incompetent, surgical-glove-clad mitts, all over you. Or worse: inside you.
9. Make friends at the social welfare office. Sure. He probably looks scary. But I bet there's a sensitive and misunderstood little boy hiding behind that pitbull terrier.
10. Upskill. A degree in philosophy may allow you to rise above material needs, but it also makes you dangerously unemployable. Get your head out of the clouds and take a course in bar skills. You can get back to musing about the influence of the Husserlian phenomenological tradition some time in the mid 2010s.
