What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Perfect happiness is a meaningless ideal. I’m as content now as I’ve ever been.
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
I’m too self-obsessed to identify with anyone.
Which is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
My uncontrollable arrogance.
Which is the trait you most admire in yourself?
My uncontrollable arrogance.
What is your greatest extravagance?
I probably shouldn’t say.
What is your favourite journey?
Riding a taxi tailgate from Thong-Sala to Hat-Rin after a mushroom omelette.
On what occasion do you lie?
I write in the hope that the trail of lies I scatter in my wake will lead me to the truth some day. At the moment, I’m lost deep in the dark forest. I didn’t think the plan through.
Which living person do you most despise?
That would be a waste of energy.
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Karen.
When and where were you happiest?
Any time and place where friends, environment, music and intoxicants achieve fleeting synchronicity.
What is your current state of mind?
Bewildered, always bewildered, but pleasantly so.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Anything I’ve achieved has been despite of, rather than because of, my nature. Perhaps an ability to not be myself is my greatest achievement.
If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what do you think it would be?
Hopefully nothing I deserve; or I will end up a male dolphin being gang-raped incessantly through the blowhole by a crew of ancient mariners.
What is your most treasured possession?
Possessions aren't my thing really.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
I’m never miserable. What's the point?
What is your favourite occupation?
Sex slave to a lost tribe of Polynesian nymphomaniacs would be nice.
What is the quality you most like in a man?
Intelligence, irreverence, eccentricity, and a willingness to embark on whatever hare-brained scheme I suggest over pints of Guinness.
What is the quality you most like in a woman?
See above.
Who are your favourite writers?
Changes every day; Kevin Barry springs to mind, Cormac McCarthy, Philip Roth, John Banville, John McGahern, anybody who writes better than I do. The list is endless.
What is your motto?
Better to be silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. Yes, I appreciate the irony.
Who Needs Enemies 2 takes place at the Town Hall Theatre tomorrow evening at 8pm. Tickets are priced at €15.
