Parents want to do the best for their children. They shower them with love and attention and worry when they are unwell or unhappy.
As children get older and more capable they wonder how best to guide them through life, what boundaries to set and what steps to take to help them grow up happy and fulfilled.
Parenting expert Cora Molloy, who has lectured in Galway, says one of the greatest gifts parents can give their children is a sense of confidence. The origins of high self-esteem lie principally in childhood and early adolescence. It is fostered both in the home and at school through positive experiences. It empowers children to reach their potential enabling them to be increasingly confident about themselves and the decisions they make. This will give them the courage to go forward in life, to seize opportunities, make wise choices and realise their potential.
Praising your children, recognising their efforts and offering words of encouragement are all ways to boost their self-esteem. Avoid labelling them in a negative way, belittling them or showing little faith in their abilities.
Mealtimes should be occasions for relaxation, happiness and togetherness. Giving time to children, offering a listening ear, words of advice and encouragement are all important. Creating special moments is essential also because these will become tomorrow’s memories.
Secrets of
successful parenting
1. Be consistent. Have clear boundaries and sanctions, such as grounding and withdrawing privileges. Be concise.
2. Avoid or withdraw from power struggles. Take time-out. Give yourself space to consider your options. If you are being pressed about an issue, say something like, “If you want to know the answer now it’s no but if we have time to consider....”. Do not reward unacceptable behaviour.
3. If there is a problem, tackle the key offender rather than making the whole household suffer.
4. Pool your skills if you are a two parent family. Fathers tend to home in on specifics, facts and figures, while women tend to look at the broader picture in an intuitive way. These complementary viewpoints can come up with creative solutions to problems.
5. Listen and emphatise with your children. Some 70 per cent of communication is non verbal so go beyond the actual words. What really concerns your son or daughter? Are you really trying to see the full picture? What are their most pressing needs?
6. Act rather than react. Identify the peak problem and deal with causes of tension. Avoid nagging, it is a waste of time and energy and rarely gets results.
7. Be positive. Encourage, empower, praise, hug. Remember that well disciplined children are welcomed everywhere. They also tend to grow into well disciplined adults.
8. Teach your childen good habits. Encourage them to help out at home, have good table manners, respect bed-times and do homework at a certain time.
9. Check out the full implications of commitments before making decisions.
10. Give time to your children - happy, caring, interested, togetherness time.
11. Avoid labelling them in a negative manner because they may fall into expected behaviour patterns. Equally, they will rise with high expectations.
12. Develop the art of genuine praise and encouragement. Value rather than belittle. Tell others that you love, appreciate, understand, forgive...
13. Show genuine interest in their world. Get more involved if you are not already, listen to their news, watch them tog out for their local side, help with homework.
14. Take them with you on trips. Bring them shopping and to matches, let them help you bake or tidy the house (the last one might require a bit of persuasion! ).
15. Do things together. Read a book, go swimming, to a show or for a walk.
16. Set a good example by cultivating positive qualities yourself, such as speaking well of others, being cheerful, relaxing at home. Take control of your lifestyle rather than letting it control you.
17. Enlist support. Tap into the experience, wisdom, support and advice of teachers, other parents, grandparents and family members. Be prepared to learn from books, talks and parenting courses.
18. Develop the art of affirmation. Give your children a sense of confidence and competence through positive reinforcement, genuine interest, positive body language, compliments, eye contact, pleasant tone of voice and cheerful expression.
19. Provide vital security by setting clear boundaries. Trust your parental instincts. Parenting experts say childen need gentle firmness. Good, polite, well behaved children are more likely to be surrounded by goodwill and affection.
20. Recognise the importance of mealtimes as times of relaxation, conversation and togetherness. Celebrate birthdays and family occasions.
21. Create good memories. Help them to experience fun and happy times through family get-togethers, outings, games, holidays, etc. Enjoy life’s simple pleasures - walking, shopping, cooking. Share things you enjoy.
22. Love your children for themselves, not for their achievements. Celebrate difference. Build on their good points and give them a sense of their own identify. Recognise and accept their limitations. Give them the security of your time and love so they will feel they belong in a nurturing, loving, caring environment.
23. Recognise negative influences. Try to combat these. Accept peer pressure can be positive as well as negative.
24. Remember the perfect family does not exist. Learn from your mistakes, draw good from them and grow through them. Encourage your children to develop coping skills by facing difficulties, fears and challenges. Through accepting and learning from setbacks we learn forgiveness and tolerance.
25. One of the greatest gifts parents can give their children is a sense of confidence. This will give them the courage to go forward in life, to seize opportunities, to make wise choices and to reach their potential.
