Whether you live on a bustling city street or in a quiet suburban area, the relationship you have with those living near you can have a major impact on your life.
Getting on well with your neighbours is beneficial for a number of reasons. It contributes to a more harmonious and happier community, provides a greater sense of belonging and connectedness, as well as enhancing security. It is also good for both your physical and mental wellbeing. Research indicates that people with strong connections in their local area tend to have lower stress levels, better mental health, and even longer lifespans.
If you have a friendly relationship with your neighbours, they may collect your post while you are away, offer help in a crisis, and even become your friends. They may be the kind, smiling faces that you often see at the start and end of your day.
While many people may not be on first name terms with those living beside them, they may still greet each other when they meet, exchange pleasantries, and be willing to offer a helping hand, if needed.
However, not everyone is fortunate enough to have a positive relationships with their neighbours. Some may have got off to a bad start due to a misunderstanding, inconsiderate behaviour, or a complete lack of interest on one party’s behalf in fostering any type of amicable relationship. Relations can quickly become strained, leading to awkwardness and tension.
Studies indicate that at least three in 10 people have neighbour-related difficulties. Disputes can arise, even over seemingly minor problems, and can escalate quickly. Noise complaints (these are particularly prevalent and may involve all night parties, street rowdiness, and barking dogs ), boundary issues, parking disagreements, and unkempt gardens, are some of the most common causes of neighbourhood strife.
So, what is the key to getting on well with your neighbours, how can you defuse heated situations, and build bridges instead of walls when difficulties arise? Here are some guidelines to help you succeed.
Be a good neighbour
1. First impressions are important. If you are new to the area, consider introducing yourself to the neighbours beside you. A quick knock at the door and a simple hello is all that is required. Be open to casual conversations because these can lead to new friendships or cordial relations. A friendly wave, greeting, or chat over the garden fence can further cement a growing relationship. If you have lived in the same area for a while but have not got to know any of the people living close to you, now may be the time to take that first step. People are out and about more during the fine weather, either sunning themselves or gardening, so it is particularly easy to strike up a conversation at this time of year.
2. Show consideration. To be a good neighbour, you need to respect the needs, feelings, and wellbeing of others, and act accordingly. It involves putting yourself in other people’s shoes and seeing their viewpoint. This can be achieved by listening, displaying empathy, respecting boundaries, and showing appreciation. Small gestures go a long way. Being considerate means recognising when someone needs your help before they even ask for it. Simple actions such as not being noisy, particularly early in the morning or late at night, being conscious of where you park and where your bins are placed, and keeping shared areas tidy are all easy ways to show consideration to your neighbours. To nurture a positive relationship, avoid actions that may cause disturbances or inconvenience. If you have pets, keep an eye on them to ensure they are not using your neighbour’s prize-winning garden as their personal toilet or are making excessive noise that may cause a disturbance.
3. Offer assistance. If you notice an older person struggling with shopping bags or trying to bring out their bins, be neighbourly and offer to lend a helping hand. This not only creates a sense of goodwill, it also boosts community spirit.
4. Get involved in your area. Take part in local clean-ups, attend community group meetings, or support local charity events. These are golden opportunities to connect with your neighbours, get to know them in relaxed surroundings, and learn more about the area in which you live.
5. Be a good communicator. This is the key to building strong relationships. You may not see, or indeed, speak to your neighbours every day but it is wise to always keep the lines of communication open in case some issue arises. Consider giving them your telephone number or email address in the event of an emergency. Additionally, you may want to let them know in advance that you will be temporarily blocking an entrance, getting household repairs done which means there may be more noise than usual, or hosting a party.
Dealing with difficulties
Sometimes, despite our best intentions and efforts, neighbourly relations become frosty, tense, or even, break down altogether. If a dispute arises, it is always best to try to resolve it amicably, especially if you intend to continue living beside that neighbour for the forseeable future.
1. Begin by being calm and objective. This may be difficult if your noisy neighbours are keeping you awake at night, their tree is leaning dangerously close to your property and they refuse to act, or they persist in blocking your exit. Before reacting, try to cool down and decide if this is just a one-off issue, for example, in the case of blocking your driveway, or is part of a pattern of inconsiderate behaviour.
2. Remain reasonable. Getting angry or being unpleasant is unlikely to persuade them to change their behaviour or resolve the issue to your satisfaction. No matter how irate or sleep deprived you are, try to be open and pleasant. Use phrases such as: “How do you suggest we approach this?” or “I thought you might not know about….” Try to end the conversation by leaving the door open to a positive resolution. Ask them to think over what you said. While they may not acknowledge your point right away they may address the issue or change their behaviour on reflection.
3. Use the home-ground advantage. Think twice before meeting a warring neighbour at his/her home. People tend to be more persuasive in their own surroundings. We often become more on guard and defensive in unfamiliar settings. This thinking applies to all situations. If it is not possible to hold discussions in your own home, opt for neutral territory. That way, the other side will not have the home advantage.
4. Create empathy. It is important to set a scene if you want to win someone over to your line of thinking. Good persuaders first create trust, then empathy, and show respect for the other person’s feelings. Maintain eye contact, too. This shows you are paying attention and it will give your message impact.
5. Be brief. If you have something to say, keep to the point and ensure your message is relevant. Do not expand on it in the hope that the longer you speak, the more effective you will be. You will only obscure your original message.
6. Make a strong case. You will increase your persuasive powers if you give the other party solid evidence or information instead of opinion. Use credible sources of authority whenever you can to support your point. Use examples and personal experience to create a more vivid picture.
7. Anticipate opposition. If there is going to be a discussion and you expect to encounter differing views, anticipate any opposition that is likely to arise before it does. Look at the subject for discussion from every angle beforehand.
8. Avoid using the term “should” if possible. Most of us do not like being told what to do. If you want to get someone to do something, try phrasing it in a more people-friendly way.
9. If the problem persists, consider discussing it with other neighbours. They may be affected by the issue also and may be keen to get it sorted out. Their voices will add weight to your objection. Maybe you could approach the offender together or consider a joint letter if the honeyed approach was not successful. If one of the neighbours has a good relationship with the person causing the problem, s/he may be willing to represent the group.
10. Take a hard-line approach if you have exhausted all the diplomatic avenues. Seek legal advice about what steps to take next if you are unable to reach agreement.
