A recently aired documentary covering a landmark coercive control case from 2022, has highlighted the insidious nature of coercive control, and warning signs to watch out for, says COPE Galway's Outreach Manager.
On Monday, thousands of people tuned into RTÉ One to watch Taking Back Control, a documentary which explores the abuse experienced by coercive control survivor Nicola Hanney, at the hands of her former partner, Paul Moody, who was at the time a member of An Garda Síochána. In the film, Hanney recalls the constant phone calls and attempts to isolate her from friends and family all of which were methods to control her.
Red flags
"When we talk about red flags, a significant part of it is trusting your intuition and trusting your gut," explains COPE Outreach Manager, Amy Donohue. "If something feels off do not dismiss it.
"Silence and sleep deprivation are two other red flags. If someone is constantly calling your phone late at night, or wanting to stay awake and talk all night if both are in the same space, saying 'I love you so much, we need to talk about ___' at 3am, the result of this is sleep deprivation and it is used to wear down the other person and ultimately control them. Silence is often used as a punishment because the victim did not do what they wanted, or behaved how they wanted."
"To control someone you have to wear them down and break their self esteem, they need to keep supports and positives at bay as they are not as controllable as the person they are with."
Support systems in place
National organisations like Women's Aid (1800 341 900 ), Men's Aid (01 554 3811 ), and Safe Ireland (www.safeireland.ie ) are on hand to help those dealing with coercive control, alongside supports offered by local domestic abuse and homeless charity, COPE Galway, including a 24/7 helpline (091 565 985 ) and outreach assistance and aid.
"I have been working in the domestic abuse sector of 17 years, and I have never heard the same story twice. Everyone has their own experiences and different coping mechanisms. It is not a one size fits all approach and the emphasis for us is on helping as many people as we can," said Donohoe, adding, "COPE Galway will meet people where they are, can talk to them, be it in person or over the phone, they do not even need to use their real name and can give a fake name. We are just focused on helping people."
Safe and confidential space
COPE Galway's approach for supporting those experiencing coercive control is to cater the approach based on circumstances, assessing risks and figuring out dynamics.
"If your intuition is telling you something is wrong, or you are walking on eggshells or even questioning certain things in your relationship, it is always good to reach out to a local service like COPE.
"We offer a safe and confidential space to talk and discuss circumstances. We would not be forcing anyone to leave for example, but we would like for a person to be abuse free and live safely in their own home. As highlighted in the documentary, Nicola left her abuser multiple times but it is not always easy when children are involved."
'Street angel house devil'
In Nicola Hanney's case, her former partner's occupation as a guard gave the illusion of respectability and trustworthiness, something Donohoe says is prevalent in abusive situations.
"Position is frequently used as a tool. The abuser could be working in a certain profession and be seen as a pillar in the community. The term 'street angel house devil' comes to mind, but it is in every part of society. There is not one type of person who can experience abuse, it can be anyone across all walks of life. We have helped women in high positions, who are seen to have power in their career but the opposite is the case in the home.
"This is why confidentiality is so important to us."
COPE Galway have outreach workers in communities across Galway, including Knocknacarra, Doughiska, Renmore, Oranmore and in University of Galway, as well as a private support centre where the address is not publicised, but is given to those who use the service. The number for the 24/7 support line is 091 56 5985.
