The fertility journey is one that carries with it many lows and highs, bumps in the road, elation, frustration, devastation and thankfully for many families, joy.
It is a story too that for a variety of reasons, people are often loath to share, so it is refreshing to read a book in which the elements of love, fun and determination are to the fore.
Writing a book on her IVF challenges has been a cathartic experience for Clonbur woman Niamh Holleran-McGing and finally getting her hands on the physical book recently was a hugely emotional occasion.
The Clonbur woman has been through the mill over the years but has come out smiling.
Her debut book The Journey To You – A Love Story Through Infertility is a powerful read, telling the story of her and her husband Tommy’s journey through infertility challenges and several rounds of IVF.
Niamh is also searingly honest about the physical and mental toll those years took on her.
Her book is a no-holds barred account of the highs and lows along the way. For Niamh, it is a tangible testimony to their journey and a tribute to all the embryos lost along the way.
So picking up her first copy of the book at her publisher’s Mayo Books Press in Castlebar was a momentous occasion.
“Fifteen years ago I started writing a diary, a little diary, just a stepping stone of our journey and today I’m holding everything. Every tear, every smile, every laugh, every cuddle of not just our lives, the people around us, our extended family,” Niamh said, holding the book.
“I just can’t believe that I have it now and this book is going to be with me all my life. This is our family,” she added.
The journey began when Tommy, from Kilmaine in south Mayo, and Niamh first caught each others’ eyes on the corridors of Ballinrobe Community School.
After their first kiss at a teenage disco in Cong, it was not long until they both realised they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together.
They were married in their early 20s and expected nature to take its course and a family to follow.
However, it soon became apparent that fertility issues meant having children was going to be a battle against the odds and they went down the IVF route.
That was an emotional rollercoaster of its own, with unsuccessful rounds either side of the birth of their son Scott in 2007.
The book is an embodiment of their journey, their struggles and their joy.
“To Tommy, Scott and I, this book is part of our family. We wouldn’t be the close family we are today but for the journey we took. I hear every page in my soul as I read it, I feel it even now as I talk about it, about the highs and the lows of it all the pain is as fresh today and it was then but so too is the joy and the love that we found in each other and in having Scott.
“This book, for us gives life to our many embryos lost along the way, a place in the world and something I can hold onto which was very important to me and the reason I started to write,” said Niamh.
The book’s subject is infertility and IVF but ultimately it is a love story which shines through from beginning to end. Niamh’s love for her own family, for Tommy and Scott. Her and Tommy’s love story is the backdrop for everything though.
“I knew from the moment I saw Tommy in the corridor in school that he would change my life, many would think it cheesy but my heart still skips a beat when he comes into the room.
“We’ve been through so much together and throughout our journey we always said ‘As long as we have each other the rest will fall into place’. We really believed that and I think the strength from knowing you have each other no matter what is around the corner, that’s the difference between being able to cope and not,” she said.
Among the many struggles along the way for Niamh and Tommy was wrestling with their faith. The Catholic Church does not approve of IVF and this proved very challenging for Niamh. She wrote to nuns in Galway and got a letter back saying this was not the right road for them. Eventually, she spoke to her local priest who blessed their decision.
“In reading the book now I can see how my faith has changed over the last 20 odd years. I have grown myself and my faith has become stronger, maybe not in the ‘church’ sense of the word as I do feel the church has a lot of work to do to get back on the right track.
“There are a lot of things they get wrong but I have seen hope in Pope Francis, I think he sees a more simple and inclusive church, one I hope I get to see in my lifetime,” she said.
It will have its launch in Niamh’s home village of Clonbur tomorrow Friday, October 6 at 8pm in the beautiful All Saints Heritage Centre and will feature at the Wild Atlantic Words Festival in Castlebar on Tuesday, October 10 at 7pm.
The Journey To You by Niamh Holleran-McGing is published by Mayo Books Press and is on sale in all good bookshops and online at mayobooks.ie
