There is a world of difference between loneliness and solitude, even though they are oft confused. Loneliness often expresses the pain of being alone, while solitude expresses the glory of being alone.
People choose solitude as a marker to their unique personality. Solitude can be a nod to someone’s oddness. It can also be the public persona of someone who just wants to be left alone, to plough their furrow along their own drills.
But loneliness is a different beast altogether. It is not a state that we choose lightly. It is forced on us by circumstance. It was Brendan Behan who said that at the innermost core of all loneliness, is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one’s lost self.
I think that loneliness is a subjective feeling where the connections we need are greater than the connections we have. But such is life.
I touch on the subject this week because the issue was raised during the most beautiful interview I have seen on TV for some time. Last Saturday night, the legend that is Dolores Keane appeared on the season finale of the Tommy Tiernan Show, (a series that delivered the coup de grace by having both Roy Keane and Dolores Keane on during the one season ) and the Caherlistrane legend came on and took our breaths away.
We knew straightaway that this was TV gold, bursting with honesty and adulation. Right from the off, she showed the common touch of the star she is, slowed down by arthritis and life — as are so many of us. The deliberate manner in which she considered each question, with the twinkling eyes mad for road.
There was something so pure about her accent, the voice that has engaged us all. The manner in which she included the audience in her answers, facing them as much as facing her host, she built up an instant connection with us all, during which we saw writ large on her face, a lifetime of emotions and experiences and achievements and regrets.
We marvelled at her spontaneous ability to belt out a tune that Tommy just picked out of his mind; and her discretion when recalling other aspects of her life. She imparted invaluable information about the false promises that the demon drink gives you. And having built up this connection, it was her answer about loneliness that got the nation talking.
She made no bones about it. Living alone is ‘horrible, just horrible,’ she said, addressing the loneliness that so many feel when they lock the door at night and do not see another sinner or soul until the next day or the next week.
Loneliness does not take age into consideration and it falls on the shoulders of different demographics, but it is sad that so many feel left out or irrelevant or isolated. People around the world experienced an increase in loneliness during the COVID-19 pandemic, which, although small, could have implications for people’s long-term mental and physical health, longevity and well-being.
There is no doubt that the events of the past few years have increased our ability to live solitary lives, but perhaps it has also made us all the more willing to seek a solitary existence and to ignore those who suffer loneliness.
That is why it is so important that we get out and about again, engage with each other, be able to spot loneliness. As friends, relatives, employers, teachers, business-people, we have a facility to encourage people to develop social ties again, so that loneliness can be combated by hope and optimism and not resignation.
