Seamus Kelleher felt alive when he was on stage. The young Salthill guitarist, who, with his band, Skull, once played support for Thin Lizzy, loved performing. The energy, excitement, and atmosphere transported him to a place very different from his day-to-day existence.
However, the relief was always fleeting. When the concert was over, his mood would drop and he would slip back into an all too familiar black hole. And his daily struggle to function would begin again as he attempted to draw on any reserves he had to help him cope with the anxiety and darkness that overshadowed his life.
His lifelong battle with depression began in his late teens. "At first it was just a feeling of being down a lot of the time and losing interest in everything," he said. "The only time I felt any joy was when I performed on stage and that was short-lived. I was always fearful and anxious. Over the course of a year, things got progressively worse where I was sleeping most of the day and I wasn't eating right."
The death of his mother Mary in 1974 when he was 19, was a crushing blow. She was only 54 and had always been there for him.
"That sent me into a tailspin. She was a lovely lady and was unwavering in her support of my pursuit of a career in music as was my dad, a little unusual in the Ireland of the 70s."
Seamus, who was born in Newcastle but whose family moved to Rockbarton Road when he was five years old, was heartbroken. The loss created a huge void in his life and compounded his growing mood difficulties.
Shortly after her passing, he had a nervous breakdown while on tour with the local group, Rock and Roll Circus. He was "devastated", his illness could not have come at a worst time, he said. The band had released a record and were playing to large crowds countrywide.
When he returned home, his father Jim asked him if he would consider going to St Patrick's Hospital in Dublin. "I knew well that St Pat's was a place where folks went when they struggled with mental illness. It was talked about in hushed tones as was mental illness in general."
New chapter
Seamus realised how unwell he was. "If I don't get help now, I'm not sure I'll be here in another week," he told his father. He spent more than a month in hospital and gradually the depression began to lift.
With the blessing of his father and his four sisters, who still live in Galway, he emigrated to the United States in 1975 to begin a new chapter in his life. He was 20-years-old and saw the move as an opportunity for a fresh start and a chance to further his music career. He had built up a large following while playing with a number of other local bands also, including Spoonful, and Life's Feast.
"One of my fondest memories was opening up for Thin Lizzy with my band Skull when they played at the Hangar in Salthill and later at the Talk of the Town dance hall as Thin Lizzy's hit 'Whisky in the Jar' was racing up the charts.
He liked everything about America and quickly settled in. Music opened doors for him and he soon began a two-month residency with Rock and Roll Circus at an Irish cabaret venue in New York. During his 46 years in the US, (he now lives in Pennsylvania ) Seamus performed at more than 7,000 events, from Carnegie Hall to the old Dunes Casino in Las Vegas, as well as festivals across the country.
His academic career blossomed, too, he holds a BA in music education and a master's degree in media studies. He was an adjunct professor at New York University for seven years and at Fordham University for four years. He also spent 17 years in the corporate world, working as a speechwriter for senior executives of major firms.
A Galway Advertiser reader who loves to return home to the west, Seamus experienced occasional bouts of depression and anxiety over the years. However, he said he was blessed to receive the help he needed to get back on track and live a "mostly happy and productive life".
But while he learned to cope with his mental health challenges, he was caught totally off guard one day in 1985 when he drank a glass of vintage champagne. It was his first drink and as the then 30 year old raised the glass of Dom Perignon to his lips, he began a love affair with alcohol that lasted almost 30 years.
Within months, he was drinking heavily. He developed a fondness for brandy and loved the way it made him feel. Sometimes he would not drink for weeks but in the end always returned to the bottle.
"I just couldn't control how much I had and that got me in trouble from day one till the day I stopped. Drink made me happy and for the first time in my life, I didn't feel shy. It got to the point, whenever I went to a public event, I tried to get a drink or two in to ease the nerves."
Unhealthy relationship
Soon, his unhealthy relationship with alcohol began to affect his family life, career, and health. But despite the heavy toll it was taking on everything he held dear, he found it difficult to break free from its hold.
"Very few people knew that I had a problem with the drink. Even my own family didn't see the extent of it," he said. "I wasn't a fall down drunk, after all, I was a performer and knew how to manage the crowd. For many years, friends and family saw the happy-go-lucky Seamus I wanted to project but the other Seamus was often in a dark place. The depression and anxiety were bad but manageable, but when the drinking kicked in, it was like putting gas on a fire. I did not like the person I had become. My life was falling apart. The only bad day of my marriage was because of my drinking."
The father of four, whose Californian born wife, Mary Pat Shields was the 1992 Los Angeles Rose, eventually decided "things had to change". Twenty-nine years after his first introduction to alcohol, Seamus admitted he needed help to stop drinking.
It was November 1 2014 and he reached out to a friend who had been sober for 12 years. Seamus has not had a drink since. A few years into sobriety, he realised that the corporate world was affecting his mental and physical health. With the support of his wife, he decided to leave his job as a speechwriter and return to his first love, music. He started writing articles for the digital Irish media company in the US, IrishCentral.com about his struggles with mental illness and addiction. He also decided to combine his writing and performance skills in a talk called, "Shine the Light" which documents his personal journey.
When Covid-19 hit America the week before St Patrick's Day, Seamus was "devastated". Not only was he concerned about its health implications, he was also worried about its effect on his career. The Philadelphia region was badly impacted by the pandemic. The area where he and his family live, Doylestown in Buck's County, was one of the last to emerge from the State mandated strict stay-at-home measures.
He had been booked to perform 200 shows in 2020, including a sold-out bus tour of Ireland. It was to be his best ever year in music. However, within two days, all such events were cancelled including the long-awaited bus tour.
But while some doors closed for him, others opened up. On March 22, a week into the lockdown, he got a call from the assistant dean of student affairs at the Texas A&M College of Medicine. Seamus had given a talk entitled "Shine the Light" there two years previously. She asked him to do a motivational Zoom talk with the faculty and staff who were under "enormous stress" due to Covid 19.
His talk, "Mental Wellness in Times of Crisis" was well received and she asked if he would consider doing a two-week course on the same topic for her third and fourth year medical students. They were going through a difficult time as their rotations and internships were postponed because of the lockdown.
He has given a number of classes there and recently signed a three-year contract with the university. He was also appointed to the faculty as an adjunct assistant professor. "I love teaching, but this is not how I expected to get back to it. But I'm doing something I'm passionate about and hopefully helping some folks along the way," he said.
Concrete strategies
During the course, he speaks about resilience and shares some concrete strategies we can all employ to get through difficult times. These include commonsense tips such as adhering to a routine. "During times of crisis, people often turn to the bed. For me, it's public enemy number one. If I'm having a bad day and I take a nap, it's rare than I feel better afterwards.
"It's also important to set achievable goals. I encourage the students to manage their media intake and social media time. Cable news needs sensational items to cover the 24-hour new cycle. It's a rollercoaster for our brain and if often throws us off balance. Social media can be just as damaging as users find the need to be at their best even when deep down, they are struggling. I also stress the importance of staying connected with friends and family and preferably not through social media. It's better to pick up the phone, text, or Zoom and now that things are opening up a little, just go for a walk with someone."
A large part of his course at Texas A&M focuses on suicide prevention. In America, almost 50,000 people die by suicide each year and the numbers are rising. Over two-thirds have some form of depression. "Suicide is the most preventable form of death," said Seamus. "With proper training, we can all play a role in identifying someone in crisis and getting them help."
Seamus teaches a methodology called QPR during his class. "Much of the world is familiar with CPR, cardiopulmonary resuscitation, an emergency medical intervention designed to stabilise people who aren't breathing, are breathing intermittently, or may be in cardiac arrest until they can reach a hospital. Similarly, QPR is an emergency mental health intervention for suicidal persons created in 1995. An abbreviation for Question, Persuade and Refer, the intent is also to identify and interrupt the crisis and direct that person to the proper care.
"The Q in QPR stands for question where you ask someone in crisis the right questions to get them to open up about their struggles. The P stands for persuade where you try to convince the person there is hope and they can be helped with the right treatment. The R stands for Refer where you get those in crisis to a professional who can provide that treatment. Over a million Americans and thousands of others around the world have been trained in QPR." Seamus is a certified QPR instructor.
He said progress has been achieved in terms of how we treat people with depression, anxiety, and addiction. "But until we can talk as openly about mental health as we do about physical health, we will not have the success we could have in treating those who struggle."
Seamus believes the mental health repercussions of Covid 19 could last for years. "People have lost family members, relatives, or friends. People all over the globe are struggling to find meaning in what just happened. Vast amounts of businesses have closed and millions of jobs have disappeared. Virtually everyone has been impacted in some way by the virus and the ensuing fallout."
Yet he remains optimistic. "If you think back to the darkness most of us were feeling just a few months ago and where we are today, it just shows you how resilient we are as human beings. We have learned a lot about ourselves and the world we live in. We will get through this and we will be the stronger for it. It will be a new normal but that may not be a bad thing. I think of it as a reset, an opportunity to take stock of things, and fix what needs fixing."
Seamus remembers reading Micí Mac Gabhann's “Rotha Mór an tSaoil” for his Intermediate Certificate examination at Coláiste Éinde on Threadneedle Road. He was always fascinated by the author's idea of The Great Wheel of Life.
"Some of the darkest days of my life were those first few weeks at St Patrick's Hospital in Dublin in June of 1974. But here I am 46 years later teaching a course on Mental Wellness at Texas A&M College of Medicine. Maybe there was a reason I had to go through that trauma as a teenager, maybe it's my Rotha Mór an tSaoil. My message to anyone reading this is that there is always hope for those who struggle and we all have a role to play in shining a light on the issue."
• Anyone interested in contacting Seamus Kelleher can do so by emailing [email protected], logging on to his website seamusk.com or by telephoning him at 908 347 4583.
