It was only a matter of time before the human being was replaced entirely by the computer, but to be fair it was not expected to happen for another few decades at least. And one would never have thought that when the time came for Man to be made redundant by the electronic chip, it would be the humble county councillor who would be used as the guinea pig.
This week when Phil Hogan wreaked havoc at the parish pump by rendering extinct 700 councillors of varying hues with his Putting People First plan, he confirmed the worst fears of many councillors when he decided to transfer the most important role the councillor has to a website.
Just a decade or so ago, when gardai were taken off the beat in rural Ireland, at the abandoned rural stations, we were given the option of the little green box to talk into to report that some fella was bating the head off us with a hurl. Now, when we come across the humble pothole or the broken light, we cannot mention it to our friendly councillor. Instead we must all get online and go to www.fixourstreet.com Here you can lodge your complaint to Sanjeev in Delhi who will do his utmost to ensure that your request (which is most important to us...thank you for holding ) will be passed onto the FixMyStreet department at Galway City or County Council.
Upon receipt of your report that Mrs Murphy’s dog has wee-ed all over the light pole at Crossnaun East and that the light has been flickering ever since, a crack team of Street Fixers will get together to determine what course of action would be most timely. They’ll look at the report, scratch their heads before despatching one of their members in a yellow van to the site of the aforementioned wee-ing incident to chastise said dog and Mrs Murphy and tell her that if she cannot control her animals, she will face the consequences.
Now www.fixmystreet.com is not to be confused with www.tarmyboreen.com which is more elaborate rural requests or www.getagrantformysonincollege.com which will be introduced later in the year to totally replace the need for the rest of the councillors. It is not yet known how the councillors have reacted to the castration of their powers. One thinks they will view this website in the same way that Mrs Doyle viewed the teamaker in Fr Ted. They may even go and set up their own websites to win back some of their credibility. Watch out for www.letmeputafencearoundmyland.com or www.carsharingtoconferences.co.uk
However, it’s not all bad news for the councillors as it came with the announcement that Galway will have an additional 12 councillors, which is to be welcomed on the basis that this will surely accommodate other family members in winning a coveted seat. After all remember that almost a third of the city council seats belong to just two families.
But spare a thought for the town councils which have been shafted to make way for the new regime. No more will be get to hear classic headlines from Tuam Town Commissioner meetings of rats as big as cats in houses in the town or horses taking tenancy of homes in Gilmartin Road. A whole layer of Irish culture has been whipped away from under us.
