"Why can't you put me to bed tonight?", "Will you read me a story?", "Why are you always busy?" If you are a parent, then these questions will be all too familiar to you.
Many of us are juggling a myriad work and family commitments all the while trying to build and maintain a close and loving relationship with our children. Spending quality time with them is top of many parents' agenda. This need not involve major organisation or setting aside particular time to bond with your child. It is often the unplanned events, the snatched moments, and the simple day-to-day routines that can make the most impact.
Here are some ways to boost your relationship with your child:-
1. Block out time to attend their extra curricular activities and be their biggest fan. Whether it is swimming, playing football, gymnastics or tennis, be interested in their progress and try to attend as many of their events as possible. Rejoice in both their efforts and success.
2. Seize moments. If your child wants to talk to you or show you something, give him/her your full attention. Try not to fob them off or ask them to wait until later. By then, the moment may have passed and you may have lost it forever.
3. Use everyday activities to boost their confidence. If they find school work challenging, it may affect their self-esteem. Counteract this by showing them how much you value them. Praise their efforts for tidying their toys, sweeping up leaves, preparing food, doing well at ballet or art, being kind-hearted and generous, or keeping quiet while you on the telephone. Look for qualities to applaud and recognise any special effort they put into a project.
4. Get them involved in planning outings and events. Children love the big build-up to occasions such as Christmas, Hallowe'en, birthday parties, family get-together, and holidays. Encourage them to write lists, help wrap gifts (the job may take twice as long but in 20 years time, it may be a special memory ), and generally get in the mood for the special occasion.
5. Spend time talking. Even small children will enjoy sharing stories about their day and life with you. Be prepared for lots of questions, especially "why". Talk about anything that interests you both. Discuss school, learn about their friends and teachers, what they like and dislike, and their feelings about different things. Go gently and you will build a trusting relationship.
6. Be available when they are doing their homework. Encourage them to have a regular study pattern and to find solutions to problems themselves. However, be on hand to provide support, encouragement, and guidance.
7. Eat together. It may be difficult sometimes to get the time to sit down and relax properly over a meal with your children. Mealtimes are often rushed and slotted in between household demands. If you are a morning person and are not under time pressure, it may be a good idea to have a leisurely breakfast together. Or have a snack and relax in each other's company. If no-one feels like speaking, sitting in companionable silence can be nice, too.
8. Go on adventures. Go on a train trip, have a picnic, visit parks, the library, or the seaside. The important thing is to make an occasion of the event. Treat yourselves to tea or an ice-cream and find ways to make special memories.
9. Stimulate their curiosity. Encourage them to try different foods, appreciate new experiences, and learn new skills. Words of encouragement and help provide children with the courage to try new things without worrying about not being able to do them.
10. Instil a love of reading in your child from a young age. A love of books is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children. Reading to babies or young children helps build bonds, improves their literacy skill, vocabulary, and concentration, and increases their levels of creativity and imagination. Make story time part of their bedtime routine from the start. Talking about the story afterwards will allow them to share their opinions.
11. Create a memory box. This is the perfect place to keep you and your children's sentimental items. These will remind you of the people, places, and experiences that have shaped you and your children's lives. Memories from the past and of the people who mean most to you and your family will come flooding back each time you open this box. It is a good idea to have a memory box for all your children or indeed for every member of your household. This will celebrate what is special and unique about them. A keepsake box can be a lovely gift to give your adult child when they leave home, get married, or have their first child. It may even encourage them to do the same for their children.
Here are some suggestions about what you should put into your memory box:-
Birthday cards or letters
Your child's first tooth or lock of hair
Their hospital scan photos and hospital wrist band. This first bracelet will always be a reminder of how tiny they once were
Photographs of your children (keep only the flattering ones! Everyone will thank you for that ) and their pets
Tickets from special events
Holiday mementos
Their drawings or paintings
School books
Certificates and trophies
Much loved toys, a favourite comforter or blanket, or items of clothing. Books, too, may retain special memories
School reports (again, it may be best to keep only the kind ones )
Records of important milestones such as a baby book which charts your child's developmental stages and achievements
Diaries (these are great to look back over when they are older )
12. Be a positive role model. Show them through your actions and words the importance of believing in yourself, having goals and values, and being determined and committed. Encourage them to view mistakes not as failures but as learning experiences and remind them of the need to always try again and be resilient.
13. Enjoy a family night in. Aim to do something enjoyable or new. Play games, watch a film, snuggle up on the couch and eat popcorn, or try face painting. You will create some great memories and fun photographs.
14. Give them a sense of the past. This will help them develop an identity. Tell them about their family background, their ancestors, what kind of people they were, what values they held dearly. Talk about more recent times too, tell them about your own parents, your brothers and sisters, and other strong influences in your life. A well chronicled past will help them develop a sense of history and of their place in the wider world. It will also give them something to pass on to future generations. Storytelling is one way of opening up a window to the past for your children.
15. Always follow through on promises. It is easy to get distracted and to make promises that are not always easy to keep. Only commit to things you know you will be able to carry out, otherwise your child will be very disappointed.
