There is, I’m telling ya. I felt it in me waters. Just a small one mind ya, not anything outrageous. But it’s there nonetheless, that stretch in the evening. Ok, it’s not so grand yet, but there’s definitely a minute or so more of sunset now than we had last week, and ‘twas so dark the other morning, I didn’t know where I was going to work or coming from work.
We’re mad waiting for the grand stretch in the evening because it makes life so much easier. The arrival of the stretch in the evening is a Godsend to those of of us who find it hard to make conversation. For those awkward moments when you’re stuck in the lift in Roches, or find yourself queueing for your sandwich beside a complete stranger who you might never have seen before — that kind of complete stranger. At times like that, it is always great to be able to share some discourse on the state of the stretch in the evening.
Now, there are times when you do this, build up the courage to mention the grand stretch, only for the complete stranger you’ve never seen before to act the complete bollicks and disagree with ya. And say no, to be honest with ya now I haven’t noticed that meself now in fact I think it’s darker it’s getting earlier. And where do you go from that? And if they ask ya where did ya get this notion that there’s a stretch in ther evening and it must be in your imagination, you’re stumped. So you just stand there humiliated because there isn’t any way of measuring the grand stretch in the evening that will allow ya to be able to justify your claim while you’re queuing for the sandwich and with all the people behind ya, laughing at ya for daring to use the grand stretch line in the first place.
So timing is everything with the stretch in the evening. You should not dare to use it as a conversation opener until you’re sure for sure like, that there is one.
And with the grand stretch in the evening comes the grand stretch in our sanity. When there’s no stretch in the evening and the Christmas is over, there’s no telling what we might do, thinking it’s the right thing. It’s that sort of mid-January madness that inflicts us all now that the decorations have been taken down, that the credit cards have no stretch in them, evening or morning;
So for the moment, we sit here in the January gloom, looking west for solace and salvation and reprieve from the dried out conversation of the festive season, when there are no more cliche-ed lines left, the how’d ya get it, did ye travel this Christmas, Did Santy come, and were ya off long yourself? Once those lines have been packed away with the rest of the tinsel and the baubles and the elves on the shelves, there really is nothing to sustain human contact until we can declare wildly on the state of the stretch in the evening.
So control yourself folks. You don’t want to go making fools of yourselves with premature extrapolations on the status of the stretch in the evening. Stall the jets, it’ll be here soon enough.
