Patricia O’Flaherty -Guidance Counsellor
We are living in an age of technology which as we all know can have many benefits, however it can also create real harm and distress to our teenage population today.
E-mails, mobile phones, cameras, texting and numerous websites and chat groups such as, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Tik Tok to mention but a few are being used by young people to bully other young people and their friends in and out of school. Photographic images are used which can be seen by strangers as well as people known to you. This can harm the online image of the person involved.
Cyberbullying can be persistent and permanent in some instances. Sometimes it can be very hard to notice as teachers or parents/guardians have not picked up on it online.Your child may be the bully or they may be bullied themselves or be a bystander, which means they witness someone else being bullied but are afraid to act on that for various reasons. They themselves may experience threats or be bullied themselves if they speak up or they can adapt an attitude “its not my problem”.
Returning to school after school breaks can be a huge source of distress for parents as they are not aware of what types of social media their sons/daughters are involved in with their peers.
How to avoid cyberbullying
Many students use computers in school nowadays, make sure that you keep all passwords and PIN numbers in a safe place and never share them with anyone. Choose your online friends very carefully. Before you share any information online make sure you think very carefully and ask yourself if this is something that you want shared. Everyone can access this information within your social group. Do not post anything online or make any comments that may hurt or harm another individual. Always behave in a respectful way when you are online.
Sometimes we can make comments which to us may seem funny but for the person who it is aimed at could be very embarrassing. I tell all my students who may be inclined to post stuff on social media, ask yourself:
• Is what I am about to post going to help or harm this person
• Is this something I would like to read about myself on social media.
The only person who can stop cyberbullying is you the perpetrator, if each and every one of us makes a decision not to post anything on line that is going to cause harm or embarrassment to the other person then the bullying stops.If there are persistent unwanted posts from individuals known to you contact your phone company or internet provider and they can have them blocked.
How do you recognise students who may be potential bullies
They may have the following traits:
• Aggressive or easily frustrated
• Have less parental involvement or may have issues at home
• They have a poor opinion of others
• Have difficulty following school rules
• May see violence in a positive way and therefore get results
• They are in a group with friends who bully others.
Those who bully others do not need to be stronger or bigger than those they bully. Their power can come from being popular, strong or they may have the ability to manipulate others.
Talk to someone
Talking to someone is extremely important. Find out who to talk to in your school. Talk to your Guidance Counsellor, Principal, Year Head or Tutor or talk to a trusted friend or family member. Talking about your worries will help you not to feel as isolated as isolation can be a big problem for students who are being bullied.
Advice on how to deal with the bullying
Do not engage or react to the bully whether online or in person. Bullies tend to target students who react or who take it to heart or who will not stand up for themselves. Remember it is not your fault if you are being bullied. Talking to someone is always going to make you feel better and supported.
Advice for parents/guardians
It can be extremely difficult for parents/guardians when their son or daughter comes home and says that they have been bullied either online or in person. It can bring up all kinds of emotions. It is very important for parents to speak to each other about their son/daughters situation or another trusted adult if they are a single parent. Reassure your child that you are on their side and help them to build positive relationships. Encourage and help them to seek help. Spend quality time together. The most important thing you can do for your son/daughter is to be there to listen and support them. Get them involved in activities that they really enjoy as this will build their confidence and-esteem. If the bullying is severe and consistent you may need to advise the Gardaí.
However, if as a parent/guardian you are not sure if your son/daughter is being bullied, look out for the following signs:
• Is there a change in their behaviour, for example, becoming moody?
• Loss of appetite
• Loss of confidence and low self-esteem
• Falling behind in school work.
The above may be signs that they are being bullied.
