My irritating mother
Q My 82-year-old mother seems so impatient these days. Sometimes it gets to the point where it's very irritating. How can I calm her down so that I can tolerate her for longer periods of time?
A. The transitions of ageing can be difficult for many people. Please suggest to your mother that she get a complete physical. A physical condition could be affecting her mental attitude and behaviour.
One of the classic symptoms of dementia is mood change, according to medical experts. So you’ll want to know if anything is physically affecting your mother’s disposition. Ask for a doctor’s examination, input and recommendations.
If your mum appears to be in good physical and mental health, perhaps she’s just bored. Many older people become isolated and lose their interest in socialising. Too much time alone can make them irritable and impatient.
Encourage your mum to develop a routine of activities and projects. Even a schedule that includes a few regular tasks and outings can occupy her time and give her something to think about. For instance, you could take her to lunch once a week. Or, if you aren’t able to do that, encourage a friend or other family member to join her. Check with her local senior centre or library to learn about the activities in her area. Perhaps there’s a woman’s group or card club that your mother would enjoy.
Does she belong to a church or community group? If so, find out what programmes they have for seniors. Many church groups not only socialise, but also organise and co-ordinate worthwhile volunteer projects for their communities.
If your mother is uncomfortable socialising in groups, suggest that she renew hobbies she may have enjoyed in earlier years, such as reading. If her eyesight is a problem, many materials now come in large print or in recorded format. Even if she can no longer physically participate in an activity she may have once enjoyed (ie, golf or horse riding ), arranging outings associated with her former hobby should give her pleasure and allow you to share a pleasant day out.
Alternatively, recommend to her that she hire a non-medical caregiver. Home Instead Senior Care, for example, tries to match caregivers with clients of similar interests. Many are also about the same age as seniors and often have common likes and hobbies.
Helping your mother to develop the kinds of activities that she can look forward to in her life may go a long way toward relieving her irritability and your frustration.
Take five
Learn how to play bridge
1 Bridge is played by 30,000 Irish people. Interest has soared since the onset of recession.
2 Membership of the Contract Bridge Association of Ireland costs €10. Games cost from €3 to €8 per week.
3 A bridge session is played by four people – two versus two. A session can last up to three hours.
4 The CBAI organises duplicate bridge sessions where pairs play a series of games against different opponents, moving around to different tables in the game room, a great opportunity to meet a host of new friends.
5 There are many bridge courses being run by qualified players in the run up to Christmas. Beginners can get up to speed and ready to play in a well-run 10-week course.
Visit the Contract Bridge Association of Ireland website at www.cbai.ie for more information.
