Falling on Deaf Ears
Q. My father is in his seventies and his hearing is deteriorating. It's causing problems for everyone. Have you any suggestions?
A. Hearing loss is an integral part of growing older, as is failing eyesight. But for some strange reason people have no problem getting glasses to help them see properly again, yet many resist getting aids to improve their hearing. It's bizarre!
You've probably already noticed some of the early indications of hearing loss: turning the TV and radio up loud, not responding when called, asking people to repeat themselves, or even odd answers to questions.
With hearing loss, not only are there safety issues (hearing warning alarms and announcements ) but everyday tasks can become more difficult (hearing the phone ring or the timer on the cooker ). Others in the household can get incredibly frustrated having to repeat themselves all the time, having to shout or being 'ignored' when in reality the other person just hasn't heard them. As a result tensions can run high leading to all kinds of relationship issues.
The first thing is to get a medical check to determine the cause of your dad's hearing loss. It's likely to be age related but it should be confirmed there's no underlying medical condition. However, it could be the case that he has a build-up of ear wax or an infection which can easily be remedied, restoring or improving his hearing quickly.
If the hearing loss is permanent there are things you can do to help the situation. Others in the household must adapt their behaviour to allow for your dad's condition. That means making sure he can see your mouth when talking to him. If he's engrossed in some other activity make sure you get his attention before starting to talk to him. Speak normally but clearly and don't be afraid to ask him if he has understood you fully.
Try to ensure that 'white noise', all the background noises most of us filter out automatically (radios, other people talking, washing machines, etc ) is kept to a minimum when talking to your father. This is very important particularly if he has started to use a hearing aid. Not only does it amplify the speaker, but many of them amplify the white noise' too so it can still be difficult to catch what someone is saying. There are many different types of hearing aid on the market so if the first one tried doesn't seem to be helping, ask to try another type.
Hearing loss can be a very isolating experience. Make sure your father has a television which incorporates sub-titling so he can continue to enjoy his favourite programmes. In large gatherings it can be impossible to catch conversations with several people talking at once. If it is not possible to get the group to talk one at a time then someone in the family should make a point of sticking close by your dad and clearly repeating information, but only if you can see he is struggling. Or try to arrange social engagements with only a handful of people at a time.
If something is really important, write it down clearly and make sure he reads it. Or if you need him to get important information for you, such as instructions as to how to take his medications, make sure he gets his doctor to write it down. Or better still, try to go with him to his appointments to make sure you know what is going on.
When introducing your father to new people let them know he has a hearing problem and ask them to speak up and clearly to him. You can do this in a matter-of-fact manner, not making an issue out of it, but above all don't let your father be embarrassed about his condition. As a society we should be breaking the taboo of admitting to the natural ageing process that is hearing loss, and that will only happen by talking openly about it.
