First things first, I’m from Mayo and damn proud of it. I’ve worked in Galway for five years now, my college years were thoroughly enjoyed in Dublin, and I’ve even spent time living in the insanely wonderful Los Angeles. But nowhere has what Mayo’s got. And there’s certainly nowhere else I’d prefer to have been born. Sure, like most of Ireland it’s aesthetically pleasing, but it’s the people that separates Mayo from everywhere else. We’re laid back, we’re chilled out, and we’re friendly. We’re hugely supportive and undeniably loyal, almost to a fault. Yes, there really are some highly delusional people out there that still believe with all their hearts that the Mayo men can win an All-Ireland; even if there’s a better chance of hell freezing over. We’re fun, proud, very ‘with it,’ and definitely nowhere near as countryish as the Dubs and Galwegians believe. We stand by our own and look out for each other — it’s Mayo all the way.
So with that said, you’d expect our Mayo Person of the Year to possess all of those traits and more. That’s why I had to laugh when someone reminded me last week that none other than Mr Louis Walsh scooped the prestigious award for 2009. Yes, he’s been incredibly successful, with his acts having notched up 29 UK Number 1 songs to date. He’s also carved out a major TV career, with his continuing judging role on the extremely high profile X Factor. And to top all that off, he’s reportedly a regular contributor to numerous charities, albeit quietly. No one can or should dispute the success Louis Walsh has had, and the good he’s done. But his Mayoness, now that firmly needs to be questioned.
It all went down last week at the Meteor Ireland Music Awards in Dublin — the biggest night on the country’s showbiz calendar. It was on that night I lost all respect for Mayo’s number one man. Louis was on hand to present one of the night’s many gongs and of course to manage the surprisingly still popular Boyzone who performed on the night. As a celebrity and guest, it’s customary but not compulsory to walk the red, or in the case of the Meteors, orange, carpet. So it was pretty much a given that Louis would be meeting Mayo’s favourite showbiz reporter Alan Murphy. Yes, the stage was set for my first ever interview with Mr Music himself, Louis Walsh. And I was excited — heck, this was Mayo’s prodigal son we’re talking about.
When LouLou, as Sharon Osbourne christened him, arrived on the carpet, all the journos and all the photographers wanted a piece of him. And I was one of the lucky few to be granted an interview with the music guru. Radio mic in hand, I bigged up Louis in my introduction because trust me, celebrities like nothing more than to think you believe their hype. After greeting Louis and asking my first question, the answer I expected didn’t come. Instead Mr Walsh responded with: “Who are you?” He then looked at me with a disapproving scowl and rudely uttered two more times: “Who are you?” Great, this interview was going well so far!
Hometown card
I thought I’d better play the hometown card and quick, so I informed Louis I’m from the west and in fact a fellow Mayo man. To this, the reply came: “So?” Louis then laughed mockingly and said: “What do you want me to do, the Riverdance?” That must be his Mayo charm.
I was now nought for two, so I thought some always reliable kiss-assing was in order. Time to roll out the compliments. I asked Louis: “As a music mogul,” (recognising his vast knowledge, see what I did there? ) who did he think deserved to win awards on the night? The answer this time came again in that mocking, degrading manner I was becoming all too familiar with, “I’m not a music mogul, I’m a music manager.” Nice.
Uh oh, this wasn’t going well. Time to change the subject. I thought maybe talking about the X Factor would lighten the mood, so I asked if Dannii Minogue will be brought back next series. Our Louis aggressively replied: “I don’t f**king know if Dannii’s being brought back.” Did he really just use the F word on me? Hell yeah he did! Popstar Will Young labelled Louis another four letter word of an even worse kind in a recent documentary that I would never dream of uttering nor writing, and former protégés Girls Aloud slagged Louis off in their tell all book Dreams That Glitter — now I could see what they were all talking about.
With that, I gave up, the interview’s over. I thanked our Person of the Year for his time and off he walked. His next interview took place just a couple of small steps away from me, but this time it was for television, and funnily enough, with the cameras on, Louis was friendly, open, funny, and that down to earth country man we’ve all grown to love. He even informed the presenter that she’ll be on MTV this time next year. Wow, what a nice guy, that Louis.
So there you have it. That’s When Alan Met Louis. Yes, he has without a doubt been a success story of monumental proportions. And yes, he’s probably Mayo’s most famous man ever and well on his way to music manager legend status. But Mayo Person of the Year? Sorry, I’m not buying it for a second. Louis was rude, condescending, and downright nasty. I thought Simon Cowell was supposed to be the mean one. He spoke to me like I was a piece of trash. And to answer his question, who am I? Well does it matter who any of us are? We’re all people, we’re all the same, and we’re neither superior nor inferior to others. But for the record, I’ve interviewed some of the world’s biggest stars, I’ve secured interviews with frankly huge showbiz names on a global scale, and I was more than worthy of an interview with Kiltimagh’s award winning Louis Walsh. I didn’t realise snobbery was one of the necessary traits for Mayo Person of the Year, though. And I definitely didn’t know that mocking the county would help candidates secure the award either. Maybe it was his arrogance that swung the win, or his falseness when there’s a TV camera on him? Or his vulgar language perhaps? I’ll leave it to you to decide.
To finish, I’ve always gone by the philosophy, “Be nice to those on the way up, because you’ll meet them again on the way down.” And with his new girlband failing to make an impact, Westlife on a break, and Manzone on their last legs, maybe it’ll be me asking Louis the very same question in a few years — who are you? Then again, I wouldn’t do that because it goes against the nature of true good Mayo people. I suppose there’s always a Time Machine reunion to fall back on if all else fails Louis. Or as he said himself, maybe he could do the Riverdance — I’d definitely pay to see that. Here’s to our Mayo Person of the Year. All hail Louis Walsh.
Alan Murphy is a presenter and journalist from Ballinrobe. He works full time for Galway Bay FM and is a regular writer for TVNow Magazine.
