Do you ever tell yourself that you are the architect of your destiny? That you have the power to realise your ambitions, fulfil your deeply cherished dreams, and be the person you were meant to be.
Our sense of self belief can determine our achievements and choices. If you do not believe in yourself you may downplay your ability, be reluctant to grasp new opportunities, and settle for less than you deserve.
People with a good sense of self have confidence in their ability to succeed, to cope with whatever challenges that life puts their way, and expect future success. They know their worth and value.
Jocelyn Cunningham, a psychotherapist and personal development course facilitator, says it is important not to underestimate the importance of self-belief because it affects all areas of our lives.
"Self-belief/confidence is very empowering and can really help us to achieve in relationships, studies, business, and more importantly, personal development. Basically, what we believe will either limit or empower us.
"We must built and nurture our self-worth. Having faith in ourselves is the first step, knowing our limits, abilities, and capacities in a bid to reach our full potential, goals, and dreams."
Sometimes, our outer appearance can give an illusion of confidence when inwardly we are struggling. "Even the most confident person has fears and triggers. But these people have become more proficient at hiding them to come across as being outwardly confident. They 'fake it until they make it' which has become a catchphrase of millennial life."
Remain quiet
Our self-belief may be eroded by people and life events. Once self-doubt takes root, it can gnaw away at our confidence, leaving us feeling diminished and reluctant to express our opinions, thoughts, and feelings. It may seem easier to remain quiet and blend into the background, allowing others to determine the direction of our lives.
Ms Cunningham, who was one of the guest contributors to the new book "Mental Health for Millennials" outlines that our confidence may be dented after being on the receiving end of disappointment or negative feedback, or experiencing trauma.
"This lack of self-belief can result in negative repercussions which may lead to feelings of upset, uneasiness, and self-doubt. Over time, a deep sense of worthlessness and an inability to be our true selves in many situations can become almost debilitating as we start to lose our sense of direction and begin to neglect honouring our own personal truth. Having a negative outlook and disposition and an overall sense of not being good enough can become a way of life."
A strong sense of self-belief can make life easier for us on a number of different levels, she says. "It would mean that facing challenges and obstacles would not be so cumbersome. The sense of dread or debilitating fear would lessen greatly. A person would be much more socially competent which would lead to handling social situations and experiences with confidence.
"By believing in ourselves, we trust our decisions, choices, awareness, and thought processes. The inner confidence emanates through our presence, behaviour, and ability to engage successfully. How we portray ourselves via appearance and presence encompasses the impressions and attitudes we have of ourselves in relation to skills, abilities, intelligence, feelings, and views."
The psychotherapist says a good sense of self helps us become proactive rather than reactive, assertive as opposed to passive, and self-aware. Our communication skills become clear and concise, also.
"It can take a lot of practice, patience, and self-compassion to become more confident and it will be an ongoing journey throughout your lifetime."
Negative thoughts
Many people struggle with negative thoughts, according to Jocelyn Cunningham. Our inner critic can work overtime on some occasions, trying to convince us that we are not good enough in any area of our lives.
"Many of us have these thoughts which can be very damaging should we decide to believe them and let them turn into behaviours which could result in negative outcomes."
You may be considering changing career or applying for a course, for example, something which is well within your capability. However, your inner critic may try to sabotage your efforts by planting doubts about your ability to succeed, telling you that you are not good enough, that you will not follow through on your plans. If we allow these thoughts to gain a foothold in our minds, they will have a negative impact on our decision-making.
She recommends trying to replace these thoughts with more positive ones. "We can start this process by recognising that, in fact, thoughts are just thoughts. Affirming that, along with other positive affirmations, can be very uplifting and healing. Making a list of your positive attributes, personality traits, and capabilities may be very useful. Acknowledging your positive traits will help build your self-confidence."
Developing and maintaining a positive support system is important, too. Ensure you have the right people on your side. Some we may consider as friends may not have our best interests at heart or may not be good for our mental health and wellbeing. Maybe you notice that often after being with them you feel deflated, diminished, or defeated.
If this is the case, Jocelyn Cunningham suggests investigating this feeling further. "If you are feeling unsure or doubtful, sit with this feeling and decide whether it is coming from within or from someone else. If you find it too difficult to change this process, it might be in your best interest to attend a suitable qualified therapist/psychotherapist to explore the areas that are causing this inner conflict. If in doubt, talk it out."
Learn and grow
She says it is important that we receive the "right feedback from the right sources" to learn and grow.
"Check out how you feel when connecting with other people's energies, tune into those feelings and pay attention to them. Do these people bring out the best in you? Do you feel comfortable in their company? Do they make you question anything about yourself regarding your abilities and attributes?
"Lean towards supportive people and steer clear of the consistent critics. This may not always be possible but it may be time to make relevant and necessary changes in your life to bring harmony and balance to it."
Research indicates that one of the best ways to boost your long-term wellbeing is to use your strengths in new ways and situations, she says.
"A study of college students on 2010 found that individuals who used their signature strengths make more progress in reaching their goals and improving their wellbeing. In addition, an earlier study found that certain character strengths, including hope, zest, gratitude, love and curiosity show a stronger link to life satisfaction."
• Mental Health for Millennials costs €17 and is available from Charlie Byrne's Bookshop, the Cornstore, Middle Street or from www.bookhubpublishing.com
