I knew it! The chickens are coming home to roost and the part that golf played in creating the current mess is finally being revealed. What have bankers, developers, politicians got in common? They’re all, to the last man and woman, members of golf clubs.
This is where the deals were done, planning permission obtained, and loans arranged for the golden circle. Some figures released by Anglo Irish Bank show how important the golf club connections were.
An examination by Anglo’s new management team, led by chief executive Mike Aynsley, of past spending at the bank found that €208,000 was spent on golf balls and €218,000 on golf umbrellas over a three-year period. They found just 1,000 golf balls left out of about 125,000 bought over that time and Mr Aynsley is now investigating where the missing balls have gone. I presume a golf ball costs about one euro, so while the tax payers are shelling out tens of billions to Anglo, this fella is searching through offices, looking for a few thousand euros worth of golf balls.
That wasn’t the end of the spending. Anglo splashed out €100,000 on golf rain clothing, €66,000 on sports bags, €33,000 on jumpers, €31,000 on polo shirts, €7,000 on T-shirts, €24,000 on golf bags, and €23,000 on golf “wind-tops”. The good news is that in addition to the remaining golf balls, Anglo still has 2,000 umbrellas, 600 baseball caps and 300 branded hand stress balls. That should go a long way towards paying back the money they’re receiving, but they might want to hold on to the stress balls.
That’s just the Anglo Irish shopping list. If you were to throw in the Bank of Ireland, AIB and all the other financial institutions currently being handed our money, the spend on golf freebies must run into tens of millions.
I think the Guards should get involved. We all know there’s little or no chance of convicting these guys of fraud charges, but it might be possible to prove they stole a box of golf balls or a dodgy jumper. It worked in the US during the thirties with Al Capone. The police were unable to pin any charges on him but he was eventually indicted for income tax evasion.
A not so good night at the theatre.
I could have done with one of those Anglo Irish umbrellas last Friday as I dashed through a heavy shower. I was in London and heading for a night at the theatre. Here’s a bit of advice, take all those quotes plastered up outside the theatre or in advertisements with a large pinch of salt.
The posters shouted:
“A truly nerve-shredding experience” The Daily Mail.
“Don’t go unless you like being scared out of your wits,” Daily Mirror
“The most brilliantly effective spine-chiller you will ever encounter. If you haven’t seen this show yet you are missing a treat,” Daily Telegraph
The only useful part of the above quotes is that from the Daily Mirror, except I would shorten it and just use the “Don’t go” part. The play in question is called “The Woman In Black,” or as Brian, my son, named it, “The Woman with Flour On Her Face.” It’s been running since 1989 and the only question I want to ask about the show is, why?
It’s an old fashioned ghost story with just two mediocre actors, plus the floury faced ‘Ghost’, who flits in and out and draws a few laughs rather than screams of terror. We cut our losses at the interval and headed for a few pints of bitter in a great little pub called The Seven Stars, run by a woman with the intriguing name of Roxy Beaujolais. The doorman’s comment, as he let us out of the theatre was, “Yes it’s really for kids,” but I don’t know of many kids nowadays that would be frightened by this rubbish. For some real theatre head to The Seven Stars and Roxy Beaujolais.
On the TV
I wonder did anyone spot me on TV last weekend? There I was strolling through Chelsea when I was stopped and asked my views on this year’s English Premiership race.
I gave them the benefit of my expert analysis and tipped Arsenal to win the league, which, on second thoughts, I don’t think is likely to happen. It was also a dangerous prediction, as the interview took place outside the Chelsea ground.
I don’t even know what channel it was for, Sky Sports, hopefully. It could be the start of a new career as a football pundit.
