Any of the above are possible but very very unlikely. Then again, who would have predicted the following headline:
“Kilkenny-made film up for best animated feature film Oscar!”
Possible, but very very unlikely. It must be five or six years ago that Paul Young told me of his plans to make a full length animated feature film. I’m sure there were many times that it looked as if the project was going to fall through as they struggled to put the finance together. I doubt if even the most optimistic Cartoon Salooner thought the project would end up with a trip to Hollywood for the Oscars, but it’s time to pack the bags and head for what should be a fantastic experience, win, lose or draw.
Whether it’s sport, music or any other activity we always like to know what the rest of the world think of our efforts. I had a look at the movie website, Rotten Tomatoes, to see how ‘Brendan and The Secret of Kells’ (or is it just ‘The Secret Of Kells’? ) was doing. This site puts together all the various reviews for a film and gives the overall score. So far the film has received all positive reviews and has been given a perfect 100 per cent.
“A feast for the eyes, lovingly crafted by exceptional filmmakers”, “brilliant art direction” and “a surprising piece of work that should appeal to smart children and open-minded adults. Chemically befuddled students may enjoy it even more” are some of the comments made by the American critics. I’m sure all the head shops will be delighted to hear that it will appeal to “chemically befuddled students.” They’re probably preparing special ‘Brendan and The Secret of Kells’ party packs to cash in on the film.
Who’s going to Hollywood?
I don’t know how many people from Cartoon Saloon will be heading off to the Oscars, but it’s a glamorous affair, and will require everyone to look their best. They could take some tips from the Oscar veterans.
In the background there are armies of personal trainers, cosmetic surgeons, dermatologists and dentists polishing up their clients for the big night.
A visit to a woman called Sony Dakar for a facial is a must, but she probably needs to be booked now before her diary is full. It costs well over €1,000, but is well worth it and is a favourite haunt of Madonna, Drew Barrymore, and Gwyneth Paltrow. Madonna recommends the diamond scrub, which uses real diamonds to exfoliate the skin.
I’m presuming Tomm Moore, Nora Twomey, Ross Stewart, and Paul Young will be making the trip and I already have visions of them taking the stage for the acceptance speech. They could do it Croke Park style: “Ta athas orm and corn seo a ghlacadh,” but with the eyes of the world on them a good first impression will be vital.
We want to see bright, smiling, diamond exfoliated faces up there and a bit of gym work to get the body in shape wouldn’t go astray either. The man for this is called David Kirsch and he’s known in Hollywood circles as “master of the arse.” I recommend heading straight from the plane to Mr Kirtsch for a few intensive sessions.
Sitting waiting for the results is going to be stressful, I’m not sure if they even leave the bar open. The last thing you want is two big sweat stains under the arms with the cameras of the world doing close-ups and I don’t think Adrian Cashin would be too pleased if the hired dress suits come back with a sweaty odour.
The answer to this problem is eight or ten Botox injections under the arms. This will cost another six or seven hundred euros, but it lasts for up to a year and you save on deodorants and dry cleaners.
There’s no doubt that hairstyles are an important part of the whole shindig, just ask Jennifer Aniston. It’s estimated that hair care cost her £40,000 last year. Her hairdresser was flown to England, first class, for the week before the Oscars and was then on £1,500 a day to do the wash and blowdry. I’m sure Kieran O’Gorman would be willing to do a deal with the Cartoon Saloon, he might even be prepared to fly economy.
If the tension is still getting to the lads they may have to turn to some anti-anxiety medication. There are plenty of products available for an attack of the stutters or to help slow down the heart and avoid sweaty palpitations. The head shops have probably something that can get you through this as well.
There are still a few weeks to go, so now’s the time to prepare for the big night. Come on the Saloon!
