That's a line that came from somewhere at the back of my mind last week. According to my internet search it was an advertising slogan in the UK in the 1940s, when most men still wore hats, for Dunn & Co, hatmakers. It implied that, in order to advance in life, you needed a hat to help you get on in your career.
Hats seem to be making a bit of a comeback lately, I saw former Senator, Mick Lanigan, wearing a very trendy one on the street last week, but it looks as if you want to progress in Ireland of the 21st century it's a cap, not a hat, you should be wearing. If you don't believe me just ask Jackie Healy-Rae (JH-R ) or the son of JH-R. To get the full JH-R look the cap should be a size too small with a greasy, sweaty rim.
While the rest of the country was worrying about the effects of the budget, Jackie Healy-Cap was threatening to bring the Government down if he didn't get his way. "It has nothing to do with the Budget, but it was one of the things that was in my book," he says. What else is in the book and is the rest of the country to sit idly by while Kenmare gets hospitals, roads and whatever else he dreams up?
I'm a regular listener to Eamon Keane on Newstalk and he generally does a good interview and asks the hard questions, except when he's interviewing a fellow Kerryman. Whether it's Mick Galwey, Sean Keane or, in this case, Michael Healy-Cap he goes into, “sure we're just simple Kerrymen and aren't we great craic altogether?” mode.
He praised Healy-Cap Jnr for coming on and giving his views. But, in the current mess, who gives a damn what some local councillor down in Kerry says or thinks?
So there's my end of year advice to John McGuinness. Forget about buying any new well cut suits from Frank Wall or Duggans. Just head to one of the charity shops and pick up a second hand cap and sports coat, preferably one with patches on the elbows. Head in to Cowen's office where the sight of a cap seems to be enough to get him to agree to any demand, maybe even a minister's job again.
As for the cap wearing Kerry men. To use the words of Green Party TD, Paul Gogarty, “F**k you, Healy-Rae, F**k you.”
Another inspection story
They haven't gone away, you know. Following on last week's comments on the various costly inspection services being carried out by government agencies, another one has made the news in Wexford.
An environmental health officer with the HSE visited Jimmy's Pub near Gorey last week, and told the publican he would have to take down two decorative mirrors from the bar, which bear the name 'Players', and an old steel sign for 'Woodbines.'
These have been on the walls for over thirty years and don't seem to have caused an outbreak of binge smoking in the area during that time. Now this eagle eyed inspector is threatening prosecution and the pub owner has said he is prepared to go to court to resist an order by the government Environmental Health Officer that he take down the antique decorative signs. There's one public servant that's due a Christmas bonus.
Looking for Tiger tales
You can't get away from tales of the Tiger these days. First our own Celtic Tiger crashes, then Tiger Woods drives his car into a fire hydrant outside his house and all hell breaks loose. Golf groupies, porn stars and cocktail waitresses appear from the woodwork or out of the rough, all claiming to have played a few rounds with Tiger.
I'm not a golfer, but I do remember seeing Tiger Woods playing in Mount Juliet a few years ago. In fact I think he may have made two appearances at the course. In the light of the recent revelations, what did he get up to down by the Nore? I know DJ Carey introduced him to hurling and demonstrated the game to him. Were any of our camogie players invited to Mount Juliet to help him practise his stick work? I wonder if there any ladies around Thomastown or Stoneyford with a Tiger tale to tell? The News Of The World or The Sun awaits your call.
Burning off those Christmas calories
The Christmas eating and drinking binge is well under way, so maybe it's time to start counting all those extra calories.
The bad news: The Christmas dinner alone averages 3,122 calories. I think that's about double the norm. The good news: It takes only 19 hours and 28 minutes of arguing with family to burn them off.
