Hello Rooter fans and welcome to another epic tale of the trials and tribulations of yet another tough week at Liberty Hall.
The storm seems to have settled a bit since the local election and the 12 Apostles are almost silent, much to the delight of the officials in the County Spaceship.
As I sipped a pint in The Marble over the weekend, pondering over my next column, I overheard a couple talking about whether or not they should sue the Council after the lady in question had an awful fall on the new Parade. "Chinese granite huh.... non slip me back side," she said, "Well I have news for ya missus," I interrupted, "its polished concrete and may as well be an ice skating ring."
That’s right folks; our wonderful Parade Pizza is nothing more than a slab of concrete slap bang in the middle of Ye Faire City. It could double up as a landing pad for the County Spaceship. I doubt it will be landing any time soon, preferring to stay in orbit until the dust settles. I wouldn’t blame them. They have just borrowed €3million from the ‘Coco Crock-et of Gold’ to cover the exceeding costs.
The Supreme Beans of the executive are in hiding. They are getting it from every angle. From the imitation stone that came all the way from China to the massive concrete blocks they call seating to the chrome bollards everybody hates and not to mention the build up of claims from people slipping on the new pavement. Then there are the poor auld taxi drivers. They’ve lost their focal point. The Supreme Beans can’t even get a lift home after a few pints without being harassed.
But don’t worry, all is not lost. The wonderful architectural lighting we have been promised has yet to be switched on. This comes courtesy of the County Spaceship – the same crowd who promised us light at the Linear Park this time last year. Let’s not hold our breath on that one.
In fairness to the Auld Beans, they have their work cut out for them. If it was left up to the Twelve Apostles all hell would break loose. Mayor Compost would want to put a big statue of himself standing in the middle of The Parade with his trusty bike and much to the disappointment of the Kerry Blue and others, he would be donning the Labour colours in advance of the General Election.
Snow White would object as the monument would over shadow her office and herself in a lot of ways. Better Manners would also be in there with a few suggestions. She would like to see a boulevard leading right up to her front door. The Shinner wants the whole place turned into a 1916 memorial park and the toilet block could double up as a bunker just to be on the safe side.
Joking aside, many questions have to be asked and good old Grassroots here is trying to encourage the Apostles to come out of their slumber and speak up. Why is the nice looking slippy granite just on the Left Bank side of the road and the actual make shift Plaza gets polished concrete? How much was the stone that was used? Why didn’t the County Spaceship shop local? Why did it take so long to simply tile the street?
These questions have to be answered because Grassroots feels a bit ripped off. So does everybody else.
After my rant last week I have since learned that Pat Fitz is still on 'The Team'. He may not have been re-elected but he has not hung the cap up yet. Not worried about loosing the title of Cllr, Fitz is still doing the work on the ground and keeping 'The Team' on their feet. He has his work cut out for him with GI Joe and Casino John at loggerheads over the local gambling scene and Chief Whippy Reidy trying to referee while Mini Mac does his best to set up a Christmas stall selling pig’s feet and tripe on The Parade. So my apologies to the Fitzer, he’s the only Team member this Rooter has time for.
So that’s it for this week folks, another week, and another dilemma. What will the Spaceship and the 12 Apostles have in store for us for next week? A General Election would be a good idea.
