Not sure what happened to last week’s column, which disappeared into the great internet black hole. It meant that the hurlers had to take the field without my good luck wishes, but, as it turned out, they weren't needed anyway.
Lords of the ring
How many of these do you know? Lee Sharpe, Alan Shortt, MacLean Burke, John McGuire, Sean Gallagher, Joe O'Shea, Jack Sheedy, Paul Martin, Rob Ross and Ben Clark.
They're all described 'as well known personalities' by RTE and took part in the recent boxing tournament, Lords Of The Ring. They may be household names somewhere, but definitely not in the Cleere household.
I was listening to a preview for the series and thought I heard them say that comedian Pat Shortt was taking part. I was half right. There was a comedian called Shortt involved, but it was the lesser known Alan, who appears mainly on radio, so like most of the other participants, his face wasn't familiar to me.
I stuck with it for about half an hour, watching a bunch of overweight men taking a few swipes at each other, without ever really doing any damage, a bit like a row outside a chipper on a weekend night.
There's the makings of a good programme in this idea, but they need to persuade some better known personalities to take part. But why confine it to television and showbiz names? There's a whole bunch of people that the public would tune in to see getting a few well deserved wallops, especially the crowd of developers, bankers and politicians that got us into the current mess. Let's face it, they're never going to see the inside of a jail, so at least we could all get some satisfaction watching them get a bloody nose or a cauliflower ear.
How about Liam Carroll or Sean Fitzpatrick in against some poor unfortunate who's now living in a house that's worth half of what he paid for it and is commuting 50 or 60 miles to work? I don't think there would be any shortage of volunteers willing to put on the boxing gloves for this one, or, better still, a bit of bare knuckle boxing.
We could get the politicians involved also. Brian Cowen against Enda Kenny would be interesting. Cowen isn't the fittest looking guy in the world and he'd hardly last the three rounds. Enda would probably spend the fight dancing around and keeping out of range, hoping to wear him out as he chases him around the ring. Very similar to what goes on in the Dáil, really.
You could have a Fianna Fáiler, Fine Gaeler, Labour, a Green, a Sinn Féiner and a few Independents to make up eight quarter-finalists. You'd have to put your money on the Sinn Féiner to win out, they've had plenty of experience of this sort of thing over the years.
Now that women's boxing is to be included in the Olympics we could include our female politicians as well. Joan Burton versus Mary Coughlan would make for great entertainment. She might be making a mess of the economy, but I think Coughlan would be a safe bet in this contest.
I'm sure Bertie Ahern would be eager to take part also, it would certainly give him some material for his sports column in the News Of The World. There are bound to be a few people that would like to put him on the flat of his back, both inside and outside the Dáil, myself included. My suggestion is to put him in with our own John McGuinness. Now that's a scrap that would easily fill the O2 arena.
Where am I?
That's a question I've asked myself a lot in the last few weeks.
I've been driving around Cork visiting various pubs that are participating in the music trail at the upcoming Cork Jazz Festival. Having spent nearly an hour looking for Model Farm Road I took some advice and invested in a satnav. It's been a limited success. I tried it out on the drive to Cork and the annoying voice kept telling me to “take next left and proceed to M8 motorway.” I ended up talking back to the voice telling her that I was already on the M8. It wasn't any better driving around Cork. It kept giving instructions to turn left or right on to such and such a road, which seemed to presume that you know the names of the roads in the first place.
I know, I should get an update, but I hardly expected to need one within a week or two of buying it. The M8 is there for the last couple of years, so surely Ms Satnav should know that by now?
Bob Dylan is in talks with various companies to become the voice of a new satnav system. He says he thinks it would be good “if you are looking for directions and hear my voice saying something like: 'Left at the next street, no a right – you know what? Just go straight’.”
I don't think so, Bob. Any more ideas like that and I'll be inviting you to join my boxing tournament.
Up for the match
At last, decent Kilkenny hurling song. “The Kilkennys,” along with the Kilkenny Gospel Choir gave a great performance on RTE on Saturday night. It's got that vital ingredient, a good chorus, for a song for a big crowd , whether in Nowlan Park or at next year's celebrations in the Market Yard.
No Jack or Harry
It must be a sign that the recession has even had an effect in Holland.
The fish in the river Nore can relax for another year as our good Dutch friends, Harry and Jack, have not made their annual trip to Kilkenny for the first two weeks in September. They've been coming for the last 14 years, but there's been no sighting, either on the riverbank or at the various trad sessions around town.
Hopefully by this time next year, things will have picked up. You can't miss the five-in-a-row, boys!
