And what a party it was. The annual comedy extravaganza took over the town last weekend, with “green” the main theme.
I was walking up along the quay on Friday night admiring John's Bridge and the Castle, both bathed in a soft green colour. I met the cousin, Noel Mealy, with his camera getting ready to take a few shots for his next exhibition. The weather was great, the crowds and the comedy were great and they're even talking about “green shoots” in the world economy. Yes, “green” was the colour last week.
The perfect candidate
Today's the day. All the campaigning is over and it's time to head to the ballot box. I was reading through the various leaflets and newspaper reports and decided to put all the names and policies into a big election blender and see what would come out.
The candidate will be called Martin Sean John Paul David Marie Noel Kathleen Mick Frank Jimmy Joe Betty Andrew Eugene Anna Darren Roger Joe Citizen.
He/She will have brown/black/grey/red//blonde/no hair and will be dressed in a business suit/jeans/skirt/jacket/blouse/high heels/runners/hat/scarf/cap and will drive a car/van/lorry/bike. By the way if you want to see what this person might look like, you'll get a good idea if you just pop in to the new Dignity bar on Parliament Street.
Trying to mix all the various policies and promises nearly banjaxed my blender, but I've mixed all the various issues together and here's the result:
He/She is promising a drop-in centre for the youth, there'll be footpaths the total length of the ring road, new primary schools for the eastern environs, an affordable residential care centre for the elderly, a differential rates system on businesses, a park and ride facility, completion of the ring road, a jobs strategy that works, nationalised banks, re-education and re-training, loads of tourists, no third level fees, an eco friendly bus service, improvement of community groups and facilities, no inner relief road, definitely an inner relief road. Whatever about the inner relief road there will be a need for a new road out to the airfield on the Tullaroan Road.
Why? Surely if all these promises are to come to pass we're going to see whole herds of pigs regularly flying over the city.
What’s that?
I was slaving under the hot sun last weekend, putting this column together. Research, it's called. It involves sitting in the sun in the back garden, going through the newspapers with a cool beer in hand. A tough job, but someone has to do it.
I even read through the pages of official lists of candidates for both the borough and county council elections. On one newspaper I noticed someone was described as a “Pubic Representative.” Just some sub editor having a bit of fun, I presumed. But no, the same candidate is given the same occupation on another newspaper, so it must be correct. So what does a “Pubic Representative” do? I'll have to ask someone out at the count centre at Cillin Hill this weekend.
All quiet on the home front.
They're gone! If at first you don't succeed try and try again. I wrote about our noisy new neighbours some months back, but the power of the press had no effect and the two cocks continued to disturb the early morning peace. The bright mornings only made matters worse, with the racket starting at five o'clock or earlier. It got to the stage that I was waking before them, in anticipation of the cocka-doodle-ing that was to come.
This was all happening behind the wall in the old Auxiliary Hospital, just a couple of minutes walk from the house. I took a stroll around and explained my problem. I got immediate sympathy and was told the offending cocks would be sent either to a new home or to the Sunday oven with all the trimmings. I wasn't too concerned what happened them as long as the early morning quiet was restored.
The people in the Auxiliary were very sympathetic and understood my predicament, but the wheels of the HSE grind slowly. I was tempted to bring it up with some of the candidates calling to the door, but I think they all have enough on their electoral plates without me adding to their problems. It took nearly two months, but the noisy neighbours are gone, to a new home far from the city, or maybe they've ended up in someone's lunchbox, I don't really care. Normal sleep patterns have been restored, I'm even beginning to miss the morning cocka-doodle-doo.
Those handsome devils.
What sort of act would you get if you combined the Rhythm and Roots with The Cat Laughs Festival? It would probably be something like The Handsome Family. The husband and wife duo of Brett and Renee Sparks combine their weird and wonderful music with very funny between-song banter. There's still a poster down in Cleeres from a show a few years ago signed: “Thank you Mr Cleere for not chasing us out with a pitchfork.”
They're back at Cleeres this Sunday, June 7 and are well worth checking out.
